my unknow

So,
today is a day that i have been stuck in a room and being fat ..lol but i have been contemplating alot of things.
1st off I know that i have not been writing for a while but that is the good thing about blogging i can come right back to it and find out the last thing i talked about and i can just get on when ever i want n it will still be here for me to come back to.


So,
the few things that i have been up to my brothers kids have been around a lot more and we have been going out and doing different things and some of the things that we have done was going to the gardner village and checking out the witches and then we went to a pumpkin patch and picked some pumpkins and have just been hanging out .. its been fun and i can't wait to see what is going to come up next .. but any ways .


I want to put down what i may have going on in my mind ...
i want to have kids but i want to be ready to have them like have a steady job have my own place and have me and my husband on the same page and on a steady path and i need to know how to be healthy and learn to save also so i don't know exactly where to start but i know i will get it settled and worked out soon but for now it is just a thought ....

hope to have everything settled by the end of november...

and since i wrote my last post i have not been doing my  juicing i found out that  i don't have self discipline  and i need to learn but i don't know how but i need to find something that will help me get on track with my weight loss ... HELP!!!!!!

today sucked

sooooo..

i was suppose to be starting my juicing fast and i wanted to but i..ok so i did start it and when i did get ready to make my dinner i realized that my recepie is incomplete and so i broke my fast by eatting my dinner that i made..


my first day is going to be tomorrow...and its going to last the rest of the weekend this is going to be hard because it is the weekend and i know that my family goes out to eat alot and me and my husband just go out and i am going to have to find alternative or atleast figure out a plan ...


like maybe taking it with me or something because if i break it i will have to feel like i need to start all over again and i don't want to do that ...


Oh yea i also did something today that i have been dreading for a very long time which is ...
taking a picture to see what my body really looks like because every time i get in front of a mirrior i always try and lie to myself and make myself think that i am losing weight but i really aint so yea....there it is me telling my self the actual truth ...ahhhh ok so i don't know what else i can do or say to my self to make me force my self to get on track tomorrow but i have everything i need for three days so there really shouldn't be any reason for me to slack so lets do this ......GOTTA KICK IT INTO GEAR and now,....


bye,
hokulani

The trip of a life time

Ok,
  so the start of this is just going to be an explanation.
I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) in 2007, but i didn't start figuring out more about it until just recently so i have for the past year in a half been doing some research on the web in books and stuff like that i have i have tired multiple things ...even diet pills which i will say ...it doesn't work ...i know sad right but ne ways. what i have learned is that you have to actually do the work in order to see results....


so what I am going to do is ...well let me say what i have tried first..




I am the type of person that lacks motivation and lacks the drive to do something or when i have started something can't seem to continue it .
so i have to write down all that i have tried and failed to do .


its going to be in blue because its sad...:( lol


so what i have done so far
the doctor when i first found out had told me that if i really had pcos that if i took birth control pills for a yr that it should start to correct its self ...errr wrong


the other thing that i have done was try to eat right and stay on top of it with a food journal ...didn't work i have tried this one many times and have failed 


i also tried starving my self but not like became anorexic but like drank more then ate type of thing and that just made me skinny but didn't fix the problem it came back ten times worse.


then my mom had found these pills i think they are called oxielite and i did that for a month let me just say that it gave me sooo much energy and gave me a loss of appetite but i was not seeing any results...i got sooo mad i really thought it would work but it ended up being just like the one above this. boo


i have also tried the atikins i have heard it worked good but i could not find the motivation again to keep count of numbers and foods and journals not my thing i swear.. 


and now where i am at now 240 - about 250 lbs later . i am stuck here in this body that isn't me that shouldn't be me and i am unhappy and pissed off ...
so i am going to make a CHANGE  


what i am on now...i am taking metformin 500 mgs. twice a day because when i told my obgyn doctor that i was taking the same mgs but three times a day and what it was doing to me and that a endocrinologist  prescribed it to me. the things it was doing was causing stomach problems that where supposedly suppose to go away but they just got worse ..and nausea. ..
and my obgyn had started me on clomid, prenatles and  something to get rid of a bacteria. so i have now figured out what i want to start doing to get my pcos in check ....


I need to at least work out every day more the 30min but first what i  want to do is a cleansing of my systems  which is a 3 day juicing fast .so that my body can rid itself from things that make me want the food i can't eat . then i will start off fresh with a 7 day liver cleanse. so that my body when i jump start it with the raw foods it will be use to it and i will start feeling different...


that is just the beginning i am also taking a few non prescribed items which is 
braggs unfiltered apple cider vinegar, vitex, and a women's multivitamin  it think it is called ulta but it has every vitamin and herb i need to help control my pcos.


and hopefully after my fasting and cleansing my body wont be wanting all the carbs and stuff and i can eat raw meals cooked or not and work in some meat here and there but for now all we can do is just see .


so today what i did was i looked through some of my juicing books that i had got from the library and found one particular one that had gave me the idea and had what i was looking for its called the juice lady juicing health..


and then i made a list of things that i needed to get and went to the store to purchase my items and i am suppose to be doing it for three day tomorrow is going to be my first day so hopefully with some prayer and strength i will be able to complete this three day challenge.


I also am trying to find new ways to keep me motivated so this blog is one way and the other i just started today because i figure that when ever i feel the need for carbs i can't just pull this lap top out and write but i can pull out my flip and talk about it ...so i started a video blog and it think it will help me with watch my growth and make me feel lots better every time i watch it instead of trying to find it in others so here is a picture of some  of the things i bought that i will be using tomorrow . and ill think about adding my video later ....


ok bye for now,
hokulani


p.s .
i also am a smoker have been for 7 years now but hoping that this also helps with that to i will post every day to keep up with my self ....

not a very goo photo i for got to take a picture after taking it out of the grocery bag but yea here is to the start fresh me...