My biggest Challenge

There has always been this one thing that has always haunted me through out my whole life and I have never been able to shake it and I don't know what to do about it prime example my blog. I have not been on here for a long time and I don't know why I don't know how to stay on task idk how to deal with my slacking off and keep my self MOTIVATED!!! I need to find out how to stay on task and self motivate my self and idk where or when that will happen or how i wish that i would just show it's self and say hey here i am ready for u to utilize me and push yourself oh my gosh .... 

But today I read something on face book that my cousin had posted that her sister told her it was a quote and I think that it is a really good one it is .

"Train the mind and the body will follow!"

I have never heard those words before in my life and hopefully I can take that and use it to get me motivated again at the beginning of this year I had so much motivation that no one was going to stop me from losing my weight and being healthy and I have no idea what happened or why it happened I just want it back and I try to tell my self to be that way again like HELL missy get your ass up and workout but it hasn't seemed to work lately and idk why.

There has been so much contemplation going on in my mind that I have no idea where to start now i mean I say one thing then mean another and then  I plan one thing then NEVER do it and I hate it i want to be healthy and ready to fight the day with all my energy but I can't seem to find it any more and  I want it back dammit.

 

Lately my husband has been getting alot of comments about him being smaller and I wanted that to  be me I have a feeling that because he has been getting alot of those comments and they are being told to me that I take it and i get sooooo butt hurt that I don't know how to get over it and i sit and wallow in my sorrow of being sad , mad and in pain.

I just want my life back i want to have motivation and get back on track to where i was and where I want to be omg well I need get some where I need to find it again or just be happy again and IDK HOW TO DO THAT .. hopefully it finds me sometime soon or i can find it my self.

Please heavenly father help me find my way back help me to get back on track and happy again ..

A really desperate female that is in alot of hurt.